


Desires

by WonderingHero



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F!Byleth, F/M, Mental Breakdown, Romance, cruel words
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-30
Updated: 2020-03-14
Packaged: 2020-11-08 01:01:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20826764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WonderingHero/pseuds/WonderingHero
Summary: Cruel Words from Dimitri was the final nail in the coffin for Byleth and she finally broke down but Felix was there to help pick up the pieces.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story was also published on fanfiction.net under the username Sparks101.
> 
> I originally called this story Conflicting Desires but I decided to change the name to just Desires.

Much had changed in the five years since Byleth was a professor and fell into a deep slumber; her students were older and stronger, a war ravaged on and drastically changed the land of Fodlan, but the most drastic and difficult change for her to accept was Dimitri. The once sweet, young man she knew was gone and now he was a dangerous and unpredictable being that left her on edge when he was around. Felix’s insult for him, seemed to be a fitting description; he was a boar, a wild animal. While all the changes required some getting used too, Dimitri’s was the most disheartening but the least surprising. She was aware of the darkness, since their first meeting, and she was ashamed of herself for failing him. 

“Again, I believe it would be better for us to strike Fhirdiad,” she said for the fourth time that meeting and it was becoming difficult for her to mask her annoyance. With the arrival of Lord Rodrigue a strategy meeting had been called for, though she knew it would be pointless. The meeting was held in the cathedral and not the conference room, like she would have liked because Dimitri refused to be anywhere but there, and she was loathed to talk about anything to serious there as they couldn’t be sure of who was listening. She had hoped that Lord Rodrigue would be bothered about the cathedral being their war council room but just like with Gilbert, he too, was all to eager to accommodate the difficult prince. 

“For the last time,” Dimitri roared at her, “Enbarr is our destination! There I can kill that bitch!”

He stood at his full height, towering over her, glowering down at her but she didn’t back down in the slightest. It was an intimidation tactic she was all to familiar with given her short stature, and it was a particularly favorite of his, and he had yet to take it a step further so there was nothing to be intimidated about it; a small but hopeful sign that the Dimitri she once knew was still in there. She matched his glare with her normal flat expression and he flared his nostrils at her. A few seconds passed and he scoffed at her before turning his back on her, the usual outcomes to their standoffs. 

“Why are you here?” he asked, never turning to look at her. The question was a first and her eyes widen for a brief second. 

“To help-” He didn’t allow her to finished before he turned back to her and hunched over her. 

“To help?” He spat at her and she had to take a deep breath. His face was so close, his one good eye revealed all the furry he held that was usually hidden in his normal tactic. She flexed and unflexed her hands, all the while taking deep breaths; she couldn’t allow him to know that this stance frighten her, made her feel cornered and at his mercy. “If you are so eager to help than stay quiet and be my bitch!”

Shouts of the prince’s name rung out in the run-down cathedral but none came from her. Her eyes widen and her mouth was slightly agape but no words escaped her and because of that he smirked down at her. Such words would normally mean nothing to her as it wasn’t the first time, she was told such a thing but coming from him…Her lips tighten into a thin line but she never broke eye contact; she dared not look away from his smirk.

“Dimitri! That is no way-” Lord Rodigue began but she silenced him with a simple wave of her hand. Momentarily she broke eye contact to give a sideways glance to Lord Rodrigue and Gilbert and noticed their anger and displeasure and she clenched her fists tightly. Throughout that meeting they barely spoke up or gave an opinion outside of supporting Dimitri’s foolish plan. They were willing to send hundreds, if not thousands, of men to die for such an asinine plan for revenge and yet at some mere harmful words they got angry at that? She found it impossible to swallow the lump that formed in her throat. She returned her attention back to the prince and discovered that his smirk grew and she gritted her teeth. 

Any more talk would have been wasted breath, she concluded and walked out without uttering another word. As much as she hated it, she gave the mad man his victory; there wouldn’t have been much she could have done anyway. Several people started to follow her out but she wasn’t going to have it and ordered them to leave her be. Despite her best effort she wasn’t able to completely hide her anger.

Too wound up Byleth, decided to head over to the training ground. Human interaction was something she didn’t want at the moment and it seemed like fate blessed her as the grounds were empty, a truly rare sight. Swiftly she took a training sword and attacked a wooden dummy. Her strikes were wild, chaotic, and full of power, not a single bit of her skill could be found anywhere in each of her swing. Her teeth were tightly clenched and no sound escaped her except for her loud exhales of air; that was until the sword snapped and the other half flew off to only the goddess knew where.

Momentarily she was frozen with the exception of her rising chest that came with each large breath. Her eyes were fixated on the remainder of the broken sword in her hand and the throb of her wrist. Finally, she moved with a loud screaming bursting out from deep within as she slammed the dummy with the broken hilt. With each strike a new scream erupted out of her and she continued to thrash about until the hilt slipped from her fingers. 

Heavy breathing were the only sounds left in the training grounds. Her stare bore into the hilt that laid on the floor before her. He wrist cried out for attention but she continued to ignore it. Finally, a sigh escaped her and she bent down to pick it up and quietly a cursed slipped through her lips when a throb in her wrist prevented her from gripping it.  
Someone cleared their throat and she whipped her head swiftly to see her intruder, Felix. He was standing just outside of the training square and her mind cleared as she realized she hadn’t even noticed that he was so close. She figured that she should be grateful that she wasn’t on a battlefield but the thought didn’t really leave a pleasant feeling. Briefly their eyes were locked before she turned her sights back onto the hilt and picked it up with her good hand. She mumbled that it broke but never returned her gaze back to him. Slowly she got to her feet and stared at the hilt.

In a few short strides he was by her side but she didn’t acknowledge him. Her eyes flicked to the training dummy before her as she tried to figure out what she wanted to do next. Training would be pointless especially with Felix there but that didn’t matter as she wasn’t really training anyway, unless it was for a fruitless death. She just wanted to be left alone but she knew no matter where she went someone was going to be there and bother her even if they didn’t do anything. She just wanted some peace and she scoffed at the idea of what she just did as “peace”. 

“Professor,” he said and she bit back a sigh to look at him. His normal pointed stare was replaced with a much softer look in his eyes and she couldn’t bring herself to look at him anymore. Of course, he saw her outburst, she wanted to laugh and scream at the same time. He called for her again but she didn’t respond; her attention went back to the training dummy and broken sword. 

“I didn’t want this,” she said before he could speak again. She wasn’t sure what her confession was for. There were so many things she didn’t want: to give up her life of freedom to be caged down to one place, to protect the lives of others when she barely could take care of herself, to be the leader of an army and yet not be the leader at the same time, to save someone from themselves when she was her own chaotic mess, to be seen in her most vulnerable moment when she needed to be a pillar of strength at all times? She just didn’t know nor did she care about the answer. 

He was completely silent and she knew he was waiting for the answer she didn’t want to find. She wanted to be left alone but it was clear that, that wasn’t going to happen. She realized that she never really got what she wanted since she became a professor and it was strange as she had never desired anything before then. And now she was full of conflicting desires: she wanted all her students to be happy, there to be peace in Fodlan, for Dimitri to be free of his demons, and yet at the same time she wanted to free of all the responsibilities dumped on her and to run away from everyone and everything. These conflicting wants had left her in a perpetual bad mood that seemingly had no end. 

“Professor, he started again and she gritted her teeth. If he wanted her to talk than so be it, she would talk despite wither he wanted to hear it or not. 

“I don’t want this!” She shouted at him and with wide eyes he took a step back. “I don’t want to be a stand in for an Archbishop for a religion I know practically nothing about! I don’t want to be an expected leader to an army and yet have no power and have my opinions brushed aside in favor of those for a broken man’s. I don’t want to pointless sacrifice soldiers’ lives because the other commanders don’t want to take a stand against their lost king!” Her throat was raw and her voice was on the verge of giving out. She may have shouted on the battlefield but never like that, never so raw and so emotional.

“I don’t want…,” she paused to drop her voice to a soft whisper, “to be here anymore.” She turned away from him to face her training dummy. She only meant to yell at him to get him to see just a fraction of the stress that’s been piling on her shoulders. She never meant to share her hidden desire, a selfish desire that she was more than sure that he and so many others had. Maybe it was a mistake for her to come back? Maybe everyone would have been better off if she was gone. What was she doing anyway? Was she really helping? 

“Maybe I should have died that day?” her question slipped through her lips without her realizing it.

“Byleth!” Before she knew what was happening, she was pulled roughly into his chest and his arms wrapped around her, sealing her there. “Don’t you dare say something so idiotic again!” Felix wasn’t one to hold back his anger, his tone, as well as his tongue, were always sharp but that was something she hadn’t seen from him. His voice had been much rawer than usual and his words plain, she would have liked to see his face then but he wouldn’t allow it. His fingers dug into her skin and he wouldn’t let her move. Pressed so tightly into him she could hear his loud, frantic heartbeats, along with his long breaths. “If you ever say something, so, so….so insane again I’ll kill you myself! You got that!” She felt his whole-body rumble when he spoke.

They stayed like that for several moments before she gave in. The broken hilt slipped from her fingers as her hands wrapped around him to grip the fabric on his back. It took a bit of effort but he finally relaxed his grip on her head enough to where she could bury her face into his chest. The smell of sweat and pine tickled her nose and she took deep breaths to breathed it in. His heartbeat was still fast but it didn’t sound as frantic as before. The anger that had been pulling in the pit of her stomach for months finally ceased as a wave of calm brought her the peace she so desperately wanted.

He was the first to break away and she was surprised at how quickly she missed his warmth. “Do you feel better?” he asked as he looked away.

“Yes,” she answered with a small smile, “much better.” 

He scoffed out the word “good” as he folded his hands over his chest. He was still refusing to look at her but she could see the light shade of red that colored his cheeks. “About what that boar said, pay him no mind. And don’t even think of doing what he said. He’s a,” he paused to as if he was struggling with what to say next, “he’s a lost cause.”

“He’s not.” He scoffed but said nothing else. “I know Dimitri is still in there, he just needs help finding his way out of the darkness.” She noticed that he glanced at her from the corner of his eyes and his lips were pressed into a thin line. “As for what he said it’s fine-”

“It’s not fine!” he roared over her. “You don’t deserve to be spoken to in such a way!” Her eyes widen at his outburst but a small smile grew upon her face. “I don’t care who it is, I will cut down anyone who would dare to speak to you in such a way! Even that boar!”

“Thank you, Felix,” she placed a hand on his arm. A blush spread a crossed his face and he looked away again. The darkness that had been weighing her down, seemed to be slipping away as a small fire was being ignited in her. She gripped his arm in a hope to get him to look at her and he did. “Truly, I thank you.” 

The color in his cheeks deepened but he didn’t look away. His lips were in his usual frown but she could see a corner twitch, threatening to break into a smile at any moment. “Don’t mention it,” he mumbled and the smile she had, had won him over and he allowed her to see a small one of his own. 

For the first time in months she didn’t feel the conflicting desires of wanting everyone’s happiness and running away. She just wanted everyone to be happy and especially Felix. Deep within her heart she vowed to do that no matter how much stress the world may dump on her, she would stand tall and proud and see it through to the end.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I originally said I wasn't going to post the other chapter on here as I didn't like it but I decided that I will try to make this a little story. I doubt this story will be longer than four chapters.

Felix violently grabbed a training sword and couldn’t give a damn that he knocked down all the others. Startled, everyone in the training ground looked at him and he glared back. One mad, powerful strike against the training dummy and everyone got the messaged and left.

He swung a few more times and growled out his frustrations with each strike. He wanted to scream, to curse the heavens, at the top of his lungs but he couldn’t. With the lump forming in his throat, he was sure his voice would betray him, so he stuck to low growls.

His father was a fool. There was no honor in death. Knighthood was a laughable lie that tormented Felix. So, what if his father and brother sacrificed their lives to save the Boar’s? Was the Boar’s life worth it? Was Felix supposed to die next? Was that the family curse the Boar had placed upon the Fraldarius family? A strangled cry escaped him as he swung his sword again. Was that what his family wanted from him? To be the next sacrificial lamb?

Momentarily he stopped to stare at the dummy and an imagine of Dimitri crying flashed before his mind. With gritted teeth and a tighter grip, he shouted as he swung at the dummy but the blow was weak and the blade slide off of it. He chocked back a sob as his eyes drifted downward. It wasn’t fair.

Why did it take his father’s death to bring Dimitri back? Why wasn’t Dedue or the Professor enough? “Why?” he screamed out as he weakly struck the dummy again. Why did Dimitri have to come back? Why did his lost friend come back? He wanted to hate the Boar to finally put an end to his misery and yet… That friend he clung to when he was a child was back. It wasn’t fair.

The Boar should have died, he was basically already a walking corpse. He was sending them to their deaths; the Professor even agreed as much. It was his monstrous rage that led to that conclusion, so why did it have to be Felix’s father that paid the price? Vigor flowed through Felix and he slashed the dummy with great force. His father was still a great assist to the kingdom. He was protecting his citizens and doing so much. And what did that Boar do? Nothing! He abandoned his people and his kingdom and for what? Petty revenge and he was the one to live. It wasn’t fair!

A loud scream ripped through him and he struck the dummy with so much force. His crest activated upon impact and the training sword shattered. Tossing the remains of the sword aside he stared at the now large dent in the training dummy. Dimitri begging for Felix’s father to live flashed through his mind and he gritted his teeth. Clenching his fist as tightly as he could he struck the dummy over and over again. Without proper gear his knuckles cried out and he didn’t care.

He only stopped his rampage when he heard his name called. Byleth stood next to the rack that the training swords used to be nicely arranged upon and was watching him with that pointed stare of hers; the stare he could never figure out if he liked it or not. He scoffed at her as he pushed his hair out of his face, as it had come loose during his madness. He spoke no words and absentmindedly looked over his knuckles, his gloves were worn thin and he even managed to cut himself in some of the small tears.

“Felix,” she called for him again. Glancing at her he was barely given enough time to catch the training sword that was thrown at him. He watched as she walked to one end of the training ground with her own sword in hand. He scoffed at her and didn’t budge. “Come,” she ordered in a tone that left no room for arguing and yet he still refused to budge.

She wasted no other words on him and charged at him. He could barely voice his complaint when he had to raise his sword to defend himself from the incredibly, weak strike. He glared at her but that didn’t stop her from striking weakly again.

“If you are going to waste my time,” he growled out as he slashed at her, which she nimbly dodged, “take me seriously, at least!” Another pathetically, weak strike from her and he tightly gripped his sword. “Fine!”

Roaring out he charged at her and slammed his sword down on hers. Technique be damned as he swung at her over and over again. His body tried to move in the ways it was most familiar with and yet the desire to have his mind completely empty but his anger refusing to allowing it, made it an impossible task for any part of him to cooperate. He swings had left many openings on him and yet she never went on the offense and only blocked with her sword, never dodged.

Even in his rage, the swordsman was able to see what she was doing, each block from her was careful and precise, she made sure that her sword always came into contact with a different part of his blade as she blocked. It was a calculated ploy to make sure his sword didn’t break and that he accidently hurt himself. “Cut the crap! I already broke a sword!” He wanted to demand for her to take him seriously but he knew he wasn’t deserving of it at that moment and he could only growl out his frustrations.

Her tactics didn’t change and it only spurred him on more. Forgoing speed he focused all his strength into attacking. He took great pleasure in watching her face scrunched up as she tried to keep up with her ridiculous plan. With each heavy strike she was forced to take a step back and he relished in that. Soon enough her foot bumped against the steps that led out of the training ground, and a devilish smirked danced on his lips. He jumped high into the air just to add more power to his strike and his teeth were bared when he felt his crest activated.

Despite all of Byleth’s best efforts a sword broke-hers. The sword snapped before their eyes and the little protection she had for her face was gone. Felix’s sword connected with a sickening thud and she fell back. Desperately he reached out for her but he wasn’t fast enough and she fell to the floor with another loud thud.

“Byleth!” he screamed as he ran towards her. She laid on the floor, unmoving and with blood gushing out of her new wound on her forehead. He threw his sword away as he hovered over her. His mind screaming but not a single thought could be made out. His eyes flew up looking for someone-anyone- who could help but came to the terrible realization that in his anger he had chased everyone away.

Carefully he placed a hand under her knees and the other under her head. The urge to run was unbearable but he remained strong and took careful steps as to not jostle her head anymore than he already had too. Back in his academy days he saw the Professor as someone incredible, almost unreachable, but now he saw her for what she was a simple human with far too many burdens thrusted upon her. And now he was becoming another problem of hers. He gritted his teeth and buried the lump that was forming in his throat to the pit of his stomach, now wasn’t the time for that.

As he made his way to the infirmary, he had to come to the realization at how idiotic it was for the infirmary to be on the second story. Climbing the stairs had been incredibly difficult, not because he was caring her, but because he was worried how each step might have affected her. Right as he reached the top, his fears were subsided as she stirred and a shaky breath escaped him. Half lidden eyes looked up at him and they held him captive before she winced in pain.

“You are a fool! A damn fool!” he said but he never intended to do so. He cursed himself for his inability to control himself that day.

“Are you okay?” she asked and he scoffed at her. He opened his mouth to say something but bit back his tongue. Instead he brought his face close to hers and his eyes bore into hers. Her warm breath against his lips sparked something deep within him. Her eyes that only had him reflected in them was a sight he didn’t realized that he hungered for. He could have stayed like that longer but he had to get her to the infirmary so he fought against his desires and pressed on.

“I am fine,” he grumbled. He ignored the heat in his cheeks when he spotted the small smile she wore. He ignored the warmth that spread throughout his body and the fading coldness that had plagued him not long ago. And above all else he ignored the desire to claim her lips. He would only do that when he was deserving. When he had all his emotions and feelings worked out about her and about Dimitri. Until then it would remain a hidden desire.


	3. Chapter 3

Everything was going splendidly. Dimitri had returned to his senses. The war was finally going in the right direction. Morale was high. Yes, everything was going perfectly and the price that needed to be paid was a relatively low one.

Byleth felt horrible for thinking that way. Every death was terrible but if the death of just one man was enough to turn the tides, then she couldn't help but believe that it was an easy lose to make. She didn't want to feel that way, especially after seeing Dimitri breaking down from it, or seeing Felix struggling to come to terms over his loss. They were both painful sights and yet she still believed that it was a necessary loss.

Despite her feelings, guilt still ate away at her. It was truly a frustrating emotion. It made working with Dimitri even harder than when he was a deranged man. She couldn't even look Felix in the eye, nor could she handle being in the same room as him. She longed for the days when she had no emotions.

Avoiding Felix wasn't something she wanted to do but she couldn't help but do it anyways. She very much always wanted to be at his side and yet she knew she didn't deserve to. When she first started to avoid him, she painfully discovered how easy it was to do so. Besides the weekly meetings the leaders held, she actually didn't see him that often now that Dimitri was back to his old self. It was a painful thought but at least it made things somewhat easy.

Another long day had come to an end. The exhaustion that once frustrated and plagued her was now welcomed. It now came with progress and no longer did she feel like her efforts were going to waste. Another bonus to the exhaustion was that she couldn't be consumed with guilt if she was unconscious.

Slowly she made her way to her room after one unnecessarily long meeting with church officials; she just couldn't understand how Seteth always came up with new and different issues to address ever week. Thanks to the meeting she had once again missed dinner but that was alright as it wasn't the first night she went without a meal; though she did hope that it would be her last.

She had hoped to just collapse onto her bed and wait for the first offending ray of the sun to wake her but upon finally reaching her room she knew it wouldn't be possible. Standing in front of her door was someone, and not just anyone, it was the man she had been avoiding, Felix. The desire to run away was strong but she knew he would eventually hunt her down. With a sigh she walked over to him.

"A fine night isn't it?" she asked, only to beat him to the punch of speaking first. With a ferocity that he hadn't directed at her in a long while, he snapped his head up to glare at her. With a shaky smile that she had worn when dealing with feral Dimitri on his good days, she spoke again, "What can I do for you?"

"Cut the crap!" he barked, and she sighed through her nose. He loudly stomped his way over to her. "Why the hell are you avoiding me?"

"I'm not avoiding you." His scowl deepened.

"Bullshit!" She flinched at how harsh he was. "You are avoiding me, and I want to know why!"

Unable to look at him, she stared at the ground from the corner of her eyes. "Like I said, I'm not avoiding you. I have just been busy, is all."

"Really? Is this really how you are going to be?" She still couldn't meet his gaze.

Without any warning he grabbed her arm and began to drag her away. All her inquires were ignored as he silently pulled her along. Quickly, she dropped her protest and went along, al bit reluctantly.

When they arrived at their destination, she realized that she should have expected to have been taken to the training yard. Still utterly silent, he tossed her a training sword and walked to his end on the yard. She frowned down at her sword and didn't budge.

"We are going to have a duel!" he declared by pointing his sword at her. "If I wen you will tell me why you are avoiding me!" A snort quickly turned into a full-blown laughing fit from her. "What is so damn funny?"

"I'm sorry," Byleth said between laughs. "It's…It's just…" She had to pause to gasps for air. "It's just such a typical response from you is all."

She enjoyed the look of the massive blushed that overtook his features. He stared at the wall and his voice no longer had such a harsh edge to it. "It is the only way you will talk." For his sake she fought back her laughter, but she couldn't help but think that he was adorable right then.

"No, it's not." He gave her a look of disbelief. Her little jovial mood quickly vanished, and she turned her sights onto her sword. Battle was far easier to deal with than emotions. "If you knew how I felt, I'm sure you will come to hate me. I do not want that…," she mumbled the last part.

"Is it about my father?" She flinched and didn't dare tear her eyes away from her sword. "Are you feeling guilty because you think his sacrifice is a small price to pay?" Squeezing her eyes shut she didn't move.

Sighing loudly, she heard him make his way over to her. She gripped her sword tighter as she braced for whatever he was going to do. His footsteps stopped but she didn't open her eyes.

"Byleth," he called, and she flinched but didn't move. "Byleth," he said it more sternly, but she still didn't move. "Byleth!" When she still remained frozen, he forced her to look at him as gently as he could by gripping her chin.

Reluctantly she opened her eyes. Instead of being stared at with the hate filled look that she was fearing, he looked at her with relief and something gentler and sweeter. She allowed herself to relax to his touch.

"I agree." Her eyes widen. "I may not agree with his foolish idea of an honorable knight's death, but I am not blind to see that his death has had a positive impact on this wretched war and that Boar."

She couldn't find her voice, so she just continued to stare at him. His cheeks began to turn a light shade of pink and he released her. All the guilt that she had been eating away at her for a while now had simply vanished.

"Do not avoid me please," Felix had mumbled so quietly that she wasn't sure if she heard him properly.

"Excuse me?"

"I said you are not to avoid me!" His eyes widen briefly before he tsked and looked away. More redness colored his cheeks as he mumbled something she couldn't hear.

"I have no more desire to do so." She smiled brightly at him. "I wish to continue to be by your side."

He looked at her for a moment before looking away. His hand covered the bottom half of his face, but it was too late, the blush had already spread to his ears. She hoped that no one else got to see him like that, except for her.

"Good." He still wouldn't look at her but he pulled his hand away and she spied his small smile. 


	4. Chapter 4

The long war had finally come to an end and Felix wanted to laugh and just how seemingly quickly it came to an end with Byleth's return. Would the war have even lasted so long had she not fallen asleep? He thought he would be bitter with her return, she got to sleep for five years while he had to fight for survival. He was sure such negative thoughts and feelings would have plagued him and yet all he felt was relief and joy.

Those pure feelings didn't exist during the celebration. The ale was good or at least it was better than the crap he had acquired during rations, it had been a long while since he could just drink and not worry about the consequences. Despite him not like being in loud, crowded places, for that night he had been willing to make an exemption and just lose himself to the celebrations, at first. Everything was okay at the beginning but then a bitter feeling slowly started to take over and all he could focus on was how men were quick to cling to Byleth.

They were all so eager to pour her drinks, to talk to her, to dare pull her attention away from him. The Boar was the greatest offended and would even be so bold as to wrap an arm around her to direct her to some goddess forsake table. When some no name soldier dared to slip in close to her and drag her attention away, yet again, Felix had enough and left.

His fingers twitched with the desire to break something but with his lack of familiarity with Enbarr or its castle, finding a nice, proper, or at least discrete way of venting his anger was another frustration he didn't want to deal with. He stomped his way through the castle, in search of an exit as he decided some fresh air might do him some good. After a long, frustrating search he found a set of doors that lead him out to the gardens. Laughter erupted out of him at the pristine and peaceful scenery before him as it didn't look like it was touched despite a massive battle having taken place in the castle not too long ago.

He had half a mind to turn around and leave and yet he didn't. He strolled through the gardens, relaxing to the scent of flowers. He didn't know when it started but he knew why he took a liking to flowers, Byleth. Flowers had meant nothing to him once upon a time, but she loved them and floral tea and eventually he came around to them too.

The calming scent didn't comfort him for long before the image of the Boar, wrapping an arm around Byleth, appeared in his mind. With a loud growl he stormed his way back to the doors, eager to get far away from the gardens and possibly the castle. With unnecessary force he slammed the doors open and briefly froze when it smacked into something. He peered around the doors and discovered it was Byleth, he hit, and she was sitting on the floor rubbing her nose.

Felix shouted her name as he rushed over to her. An apology was about to spill from his lips but was lost at the large, toothy smile she was sporting. He was frozen in place; his hand was only partially extended out to her but that didn't seem to bother her as she slipped her hand into his. It was only a small part of him that was aware of everything and pulled her onto her feet.

"I found you!" she shouted in a volume he never heard from her, outside of battle.

He looked at her for a bit and then frowned. "Are you drunk?" he asked and the pout she was wearing was adorable, though he didn't acknowledge that thought.

"I'm not drunk." If anyone else had said that he might have been inclined to believe them, with her lack of slurring and the usual impeccable posture; she could have fooled anyone but him. While she was no longer expressionless as she once was, she normally wasn't as expressive and loud as she was then.

With a slight shake of his head, he muttered, "yes, you are."

"I'm not drunk!" She gave him a small glare and he just looked at her. "Fine, maybe I'm tipsy. But I assure you that I am not drunk." He frowned but relented. Even though he had never seen her drunk, she at least didn't seem like a typical drunk, but then again, she was always anything but normal.

"We should get you to your room at least." He reached out for her, but she stepped back. With an almost adorable pout (he still wasn't going to allow himself to acknowledge that thought), she folded her arms across her chest.

"I don't wanna."

"What?"

"I don't wanna go!" She stomped her foot for added measure.

"Excuse me?" Her acting like a child was something he was having an incredibly difficult time registering.

"I don't wanna go!" she repeated with another stomp. He blinked a few times, but everything was still a mystery. With his guard down, she wrapped her arms around one of his and pressed herself against him before looking up. "I wanna stay with you!"

His thoughts were racing, and his cheeks were a blaze. Those large, emerald eyes that he was always helplessly drawn too, were looking up at him and he was paralyzed. Not a single thought of his could settle, so he just continued to stare at her.

"Felix?" she called softly, and it sent his heart rate soaring.

He pulled his arm free and stumbled back as finally a thought broke through the chaotic mess that was his mind. He watched her carefully, unsure of what to do next. The pout she wore was stirring something with him, something that he had been desperate to suppress after he held her after her breakdown.

Byleth had been his goal since he first saw her wield a sword. At first, he wanted to surpass her, to make up for his inability to do so with Glenn but slowly that goal shifted, and he was afraid to know what it was now. She had become a future he could never foresee before they were reunited, and it wasn't a future he was he was sure he could fit into.

His palms were sweaty, but he kept his gloves on for protection. But protection from what? And for who? He swallowed away the lump in his throat as his body twitched with a nervous energy. The more those emerald eyes stared at him the more control he found himself losing.

"Felix," she said, and he jolted up right. She took a step forward and he wanted to take a step back, but he was rooted in place. Slowly she reached out to him and she pressed her hand against his forehead. Every fiber of his being was acutely aware of her touch. "Are you feeling alright?"

He wanted to speak but his mouth was incredibly dry. His fingers twitched with the desperate desire to touch her, but he fought against it. He stared down at her because he couldn't bring himself to look at anywhere but her.

What happened to his earlier anger? He desperately wanted to know how she could disrupt him so easily and how that didn't bother him. He always needed to be in control and yet whenever she was involved, he was always so eager to give it up to her. Deep down inside he knew the answer, but he was afraid to admit it, not when she was a complete mystery.

She said his name so sweetly again (or at least it was to him). His heartbeat was drumming loudly in his ears, drowning out everything but her. The longer she stared the more he felt himself losing control, and yet he couldn't -wouldn't- entertain the thought of escaping.

"W-what do you think of me?" he suddenly blurted out in order to break free from her trance. With wide eyes, his face burst out into a dazzling shade of red as he realized what he just asked. He wanted to run away but it had been a question plaguing him for so very long that he was unable to move; he needed to know the answer.

"What I think of you?" she asked with that usual head tilt of hers. Unable to find his voice, he was barely able to muster up a small nod. She stared at him long and hard and he began to squirm a little, his usual bravado seemingly gone.

"I find you incredibly handsome." He could feel the tips of his ears begin to heat up. Well that wasn't exactly what he wanted to hear but it was still nice, nonetheless. "You make me desire things…Things I never knew that I wanted…" He perked up at that.

Byleth's cheeks had a nice shade of pink coloring them and her gaze settled on the floor. "I always feel this strange coil in my stomach when you look at me. And every time I find that I want…things…" He arched an eyebrow as his voice was no where to be found causing him being unable to demand for more information. She fidgeted with her hands for a moment before glancing at him. "I want you to look at me…to touch me…to…" Her voice began to trail off into a frustrating quietness, but he still managed to hear it, "take me…".

A spark ignited into a raging fire within him and he became painfully aware of his body reacting to the meek, little look she gave him, a look he never realized he would enjoy seeing so much from her. He flexed his hands several times, in a failed attempt to stall the rush of his blood. As much as he loved hearing how the woman, he so very much fancied, wanting him, it wasn't really a thought he wanted to entertain at that a moment; at least, not until he was in the privacy of his own room.

She was a little too tipsy, he concluded as there was just no way, she would have ever admitted such a fact to him under normal conditions. He needed to get her to her room soon, less he loose control of himself to a more animalistic side of him. Placing a hand on her back, he instantly regretted it as he felt the fire within him grow.

Those innocent, emerald eyes looked up at him and he wanted to swear, along with many other things. She just had no idea what she did to him. She took a step closer to him and he had been to busy fighting with himself to notice and take a safe step back.

"I also want you to kiss me."

That was it, the final straw, and he threw all his inhibitions away. Gripping her arms tightly he slammed her against the wall and hid her gasp with his lips. Their teeth clanked against each other in their awkward first kiss and neither of them could give a damn.

"You," he growled out before slamming his lips against hers again.

Their teeth bumped against each other as they struggled to find the right angles. Soon their tongues were fighting for dominance, instead of exploring each other. It wasn't long before the frustrating need for air forced them apart, but a thin line of saliva connected them.

"You…," Felix growled out between gasps, "you have no idea what you do to me!"

Those emerald eyes that excited him way too much, looked up at him and he dug his fingers into her arm; there was a new look to her eyes, an incredibly thrilling new look. A smirk danced on her lips as she got ahold of her breathing faster than him. Their little link of saliva broke as she brought herself closer to him.

"Show me."


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking so long to update. School got in the way.

Everything was supposed to fall perfectly in place after the war ended right? Wrong! Everything only became more frustrating for Felix. He was now the Duke of Fraldarius and he hated everything about it.

He was busy. So very busy. Incredibly so. He didn't even have any free time anymore. The Fraldarius' and Gautier's territories were lucky enough to make it out of the war relatively in good condition but very few other lands could say the same and unfortunately that meant he had to deal with distributing aid and what not.

Two years had passed since the goddess forsaken war ended and apart of Felix longed to return to such times. Not because he longed for battle so that he may swing his sword once again, but he would not deny that a small part of him did wish for that. Swinging his sword was much easier than dealing with sensitive nobles and politics. He hated so much being the Duke. But no, it wasn't battle that he longed for but a certain someone that he had the pleasure of seeing so often during that time.

After the war ended Byleth had become the archbishop a position he was sure was forced upon her. Since she became the head of the church, he could count the number of times he saw her on one hand. If he thought, he was busy she was impossibly so. If there was anything, he hated more than being the Duke it was not seeing her. His bed had felt incredibly empty after that one night.

Felix bit back his tenth sigh for that night. That night was the anniversary of the war's ending and a huge celebration was held at the Blaiddyd's castle. He had been looking forward to the event all year long as it allowed him the chance to see Byleth again and yet…they were still so frustratingly busy.

Each had to play meet and greet with others. So many women were thrusting themselves upon him, all so eager for the title of Duchess of Fraldarius. In the two years since he became the Duke, he came to understand why Sylvain choose to play with women before they could play him instead; though Felix could never do what Sylvain did. Biting his tongue each time a woman said something slightly inappropriate or attempted to draw attention to her body was really starting to wear him out. He could not fathom why they all believed that such actions would work on him, he wasn't Sylvain, and he was sure it was common knowledge that he desired strength above all else.

Slipping away into a balcony, he released all his pent-up frustrations with one massive sigh. He rested against the railings and absentmindedly played with the silver ring on his finger. He stared out at the grounds below for a few minutes before he shifted his attention onto the ring.

It was a sliver ring with several small purple gems set in the shape of a star. It wasn't anywhere close to his style and it didn't even fit him at first, so he still couldn't understand why Byleth had given it to him at the war's end. But he kept it and resized it because deem down instead he was a hopeless romantic…or at least when it came to Byleth.

The longer he stared at the ring the more he felt the pain of disappointment. He desperately wanted to be by Byleth's side. To hear her sweet voice, to feel her soft caresses…He groaned as he shook his head to dislodge those thoughts. As much as he wanted that he would not be given the chance, he never got the chance at those foolish celebrations. Someone was always stealing her attention to the point where she would rarely look at him.

He rested his head against the railing and sighed. He couldn't stay outside forever. He would need to go back and be the "polite" Duke and watch as someone stole his precious Byleth's time. Time apart did not make the jealousy any easier.

A small gasp from behind him had him quickly spinning around. His heartbeat was frantic as he realized that he had never sensed anyone behind him. A curse spilled from his lips as he realized how much peace had dulled his senses.

As soon as his eyes landed on his intruded all his fight left him. Standing before him was the one he longed for, dressed in a regalia suited for the archbishop; and it all made sense as to why he didn't sense her earlier, she was incredibly skilled at concealing her presence. All the excess jewelry and make-up she wore didn't suit her in his opinion, he always believed that her simple and clearly more comfortable clothes suited her best. Though he would not deny that she was beautiful then; he wasn't sure that there wasn't a style that he wouldn't find her beautiful in.

"Forgive me for disturbing you," she said as she refused to make eye contact. "I'll leave now." She had half turned away from him before she finished speaking.

"Wait!" he shouted as he stepped forward. "You were not disturbing me."

While she did stop, she did not turn to face him. A small silence had descended on them and it froze him in his place. He had feared it for a while, but he had no real proof, but he was sure that she was avoiding him.

"I have not seen you in so long." He was unable to say what he really wanted to say. He cursed himself for how easily the "good little Duke" act had overtaken him, preventing him from demanding an answer that his war self would have been quick to lash out for. She only gave him a small nod in acknowledgement.

Tentatively, he took a step forward and when she did not move, he took another. He soon stood before her and yet her attention remained on the balcony's doors, where her escape route laid. His body twitched to stand in front of the doors, to seal her there but he refused.

"How have you been?" he asked, and once again it was not the thing he truly wanted to say. All his bite from the war was gone, hidden away to be a "proper gentleman".

"Fine." He scowled but said nothing. She wouldn't look at him and he so desperately wanted her too. He wanted to see his reflections in her beautiful, emerald eyes, and know that he was the only one she was looking at.

Felix flexed and unflexed his hands, unsure of how else to dissipate the nervous energy that bubbled beneath his skin. Despite wanting to reach out to her, his arms were rooted at his side. Her name was on the tip of his tongue, but he was afraid to say it.

"…I should be returning-"

"No!" he shouted and grabbed her arm, and despite his overreaction she did not look at him. He squeezed her arm and a scowl formed on his face. The urge to pull her towards him was great but he ignored it.

She was silent and did not acknowledge his grip. He gritted his teeth as he still fought the desire to pull her. Taking a deep breath, he released her so that he could stand before her. He folded his arms across his chest and stared down at her; wishing he was slightly taller just to be a bit more intimidating.

"Why are you avoiding me?" He was finally able to ask the question that he had been skirting around. A fire ignited in her eyes as she glared at him.

"Isn't it natural to do so?" she asked back with a bit of a bite to her tone.

"Excuse me?" He matched her tone. His competitive side was coming out and despite the topic not necessarily being a good one, he did enjoy having a little "competition" with her again.

"I believe," she paused to match his stance, "that it is only natural to avoid the person, who turned down your proposal and kept your ring."

"What nonsense are you tal-" The color drained from his face as he stared at her. Absently, he twisted the silver ring on his finger. As the memory of the day that she gave it to him returned to him, he glanced down at the ring and it was only then that he realized that it could be an engagement ring. Now all the comments his staff made, when he first wore it made sense.

That day, he had been so annoyed to be made the Duke, but did it really cloud his mind so much that he would be ignorant to a proposal? He desperately tried to recall if she ever actually asked him to marry her but all he could recall was him complaining and being confused at her sudden departure. Whatever color that was left in his face drained as he remembered what at fool he was. Sure, he could be dense about romantic things, but he couldn't be that dense…There was just no way that he was denser than the boar!

"You should have been more obvious," he blurted out in embarrassment. As soon as the words left his mouth, he knew he made another mistake and he didn't need her intense glare to help him realize that.

He desperately tired to think of how to save that situation. The thought of proposing to her in the past did cross his mind, so the idea of marring her was not the problem, but now that she was the archbishop could he still marry her? He looked into her eyes that he had grown so fond of and he realized he didn't care what the church wanted all he cared about was that he loved her and hoped that she still felt the same.

Now that he knew where he stood, came the next issue of what to do next. Pretty words were not going to fix it. Even Sylvain with all his flowery speech would not be able to find the words to repair Felix's destroyed image. And even if there were words that could do that, he would not want to use them.

Actions speak louder than words that had been a saying that he strongly believed in. He knew exactly what he wanted to do but there was just one little problem. He had no ring. Leaving to get a ring wasn't possible nor did he believe that she would appreciate a rushed decision. He couldn't propose to her with the ring that she used; he was pleased that he had enough sense to not entertain that thought for very long.

He did have another ring, it was an incredibly important one, one that he wasn't allowed to share with anyone, but he didn't give a damn. If she was still willing to be his wife than to hell with customs she should have just as much access to the ring as he did. The ring was far from an engagement ring, but he hoped that its importance would help her realize that he was serious.

Slipping off the ridiculously large, golden ring with the Fraldarius' symbol on it, he took a deep breath before getting down on one knee. Wide, emerald eyes stared at him and he was pleased to see her glare gone. She did not offer her hand and so he dared to take it. He relaxed greatly when she did not fight him.

"Byleth, I am an absolute fool, who can be completely inept at social cues sometimes." He smiled a little when he saw her do a small shake of her head. "Two years ago, I was a fool too caught up in his problems to realize what you were attempting to do, and I hurt you. I will live with that shame for the rest of my life but if you could see it in your heart to allow me to make it up to you, I will do everything in my power to do so." He paused to take a deep breath.

"Byleth, I love you." Her eyes widen more, and he realized that that was the first time he ever said that to her. Despite everything that they had done together, never did he once verbally share his feelings. Goddess, why was he like that? He decided that if she said yes that he would be more vocal with his feelings.

"Byleth Eisner, will you marry me?" He slipped his signet ring onto her finger and it obviously did not fit. His eyes lingered on her hand and the ring as he wasn't ready to see her expression yet.

"Are…are you sure?" she asked unnaturally quietly. He glanced at her and saw her lips twitching. "You…you are not just asking because-"

He quickly stood up and cupped her cheeks. Resting his forehead against hers, he marveled at the sight of only his reflection in her eyes. It was then that he realized that he never felt more sure of anything in his life before.

"Yes," he whispered softly. "There is no one else I wish to spend the rest of my life with. I love you. I desire you, above anything else in this world. You are my one and only love."

He watched in amusement as she rapidly blinked away her tears. The mesmerizing smile she flashed him, sent his heart rate soaring. She wrapped her arms around his neck as she cheerfully shouted "yes". Forgetting, where they were, he spun her around. When he finished, he was about to kiss her, only for her to stop him by placing a finger on his lips and he growled out.

"I can't have you smudging my make-up." He scowled. "I'm not about to put up with a lecture from Seteth because of you," she laughed, and he found it impossible to stay annoyed after hearing such a lovely sound.

She pulled him closer to her to the point where her lips brushed his ear and he felt a jolt run through his body. "Though, once this party is over you are more than welcome to come and pay me a visit in my room." She pulled away from him with a smirk and a wink.

In a small daze he watched her leave. Once she was gone, he turned his sights towards the sky and stared at the stars. A nice warmth settled in him and he allowed a rare smile to settle on his face.

The sounds of the balcony's door opening again, quickly caused him to return his attention back onto his little area. Byleth was back and she was laughing as she walked towards him and the warmth grew. He would never grow tired of hearing such a sound.

"I can't keep this. Just imagine the scandal it would create." She held out his signet ring. He was tempted to tell her to keep it but his rational side knew better and so he took the ring back.

"Well I am not one to be pushy with anything, but I would like an engagement ring soon so that people will know that I'm taken." He nodded at that. He would love nothing more than to let everyone in all of Fodlan know that she was his and he was hers.

She gave him a small peck on the lips but quickly distanced herself before he could respond. "I will be waiting for you tonight." And with that she left again.

Felix stood on the balcony for a few more minutes. He was happy. After the death of his brother and the distance that formed between him, his father, and Dimitri, he thought he would never find happiness outside of battle again. But thanks to Byleth he was able to find love and joy again. He desired nothing more than to have her feel the same, and he would see to it that she would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We have now reached the end! When I first wrote the oneshot, I never imagined it would spark into a little story. Nor did I realize that this would be the direction it would take.
> 
> Thank you all for reading! I hope you enjoyed this little story! And thank you to all who left comments!


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